college degree

okay, my title says it all. Obviously college/university is keeping me a bit busy. So what should I write about it. Okay, let my mind talk. Lately I figured out and realised that studying is different whereever you go. Well I knew that from the start, but I didn't realise it back then. But reading tweets, posts and whatsoever stories from other people about their studying is quite different. Some pay a lot for going to school, some pay nuts for going to school. Some work on weekends, some have parents who pay everything or some are really good students who are scholars. So, college is an investment and it is .. I don't know. DIFFERENT. Something I didn't expect to be like that, when I was still in senior highschool. When I was in junior high I remember saying that I won't go to senior high (take a different course like tourism or accounting) and then when I was in senior high, I wished for a miracle. I wanted senior high to be extended, because I know that after senior high I need to mature, I need to decide what to do afterwards, what to study. I actually had no idea. Should I do what sounds really diplomatic and satsify my parents or something I would enjoy and always wanted to do?.. Okay first what is the dream course for my parents. Study mathematics, chemistry and be a diplomat at the same time. I guess they don't know what my brain's ability is and not. I don't want to pressure my brain. I thought chemistry was easy and I was interested in it, but I had to make a reality check. Chemistry is not a walk in the park, you'll go through hell actually and might do something with maths. I don't like.
Okay, my dream when I was a kid was to be a doctor someday. Pediatrics or in the ER but no, I have to admit I don't have enough selfconfidence. A nurse is the alternative. But everyone around me in Vienna is against me. They say I can do more than being a nurse. I don't know, my mom herself is a nurse, her two sisters and they degrade that occupation. I wonder why. I even thought about not studying at all. But I need it. I need to go through hell aswell. Just for the sake of having a college degree. I am studying international development at the moment and I don't see myself sitting in a room and do the paperwork or whatsoever. I want to act, I want to help. maybe one reason why I chose this course is because I want to be part of an NGO. Helping has always been my strength (even though my patience is not that long, I like to help. Just don't be abusive) I honestly am really scared of the college. I always do my best, but theres always something that hinders me of being the best I can. I really hope and pray that I'll have a college degree in a few years... 3 years the longest =( .. I just need to prove that I can do something and stop being super lazy and scared. Being scared is something that stops me being confident.
I don't even compete with other people or friends. I just want to pass. I just want to get going and be a good example for the younger ones. but yeah ... I hope not everyone will take me as their example, as I aswell have some flaws.

There's always a reason for everything that happens. Lord, thy will be done. Thank you.

Love, Maj.